(Some Assembly Required)

The major problem with conventions for many people is that they only happen on particular weekends in particular places. Many of you have asked us for a convention that you can hold at any time.

Here we provide Convenient, an instant home convention kit. With only a small amount of work, you can recreate that authentic convention experience in your own home. Thrill as drunken fans reel all around you! Panic as the beer runs out on the first day of the con! Collapse in a drunken stupor during the gopher party!

This fanzine contains most of the ingredients required. You will need to provide the following:

You will also need one bin liner, a quantity of blu-tac and a roll of gaffer tape.


If you have set up your kit properly, Ops will do this for you. Nevertheless, you may encounter certain problems. Here are some of the more common ones with likely solutions.

Site Management Complains about Bare Feet in Kitchen
Move convention to bathroom.
Site Management complains about not being able to get into bathroom
Lend them a bucket.
Beer Runs Out
If it is Sunday, this is part of normal operations. Otherwise, it was bad planning. Complain loudly to yourself at the gripe session. Apologise abjectly to yourself. Complain to yourself that this just isn't good enough. Throw yourself out of the gripe session.
Beer Doesn't Run out by end of Convention
You will just have to drink it all before you leave.
Ops report that a convention member is wearing nothing but a snake
Draw curtains before neighbours find out. Zip up your trousers.


When you open your kit, you should find the following

If any of these components are missing, congratulations. You've just started to experience the fun of a real convention.


Find the badge. Cut it out. Attach a safety pin to the back and pin it on. You may now attend all of the programme items which we have planned for you.

Go around your site with the roll of gaffer tape. Tape over all power sockets, loose bits of carpet.

Cut a hole in the top of the bin liner. Put over head. Walk around. Award yourself "Best in Show".

Awards Ceremony
Give the Nova Awards to Plokta (best fanzine), Alison Scott/Steve Davies/Mike Scott/Steven Cain (best fan writer, 4-way tie) and Sue Mason (best fan artist).

Put all of kit in binliner. Stop. Retrieve gaffer tape. Mend binliner. Fill binliner and throw in van. Pour yourself a stiff drink and swear you'll never do it again.

Previous Article

Next Article

Issue Contents

Plokta Index

Visit the Plokta News Network: News and comment for SF fandom