We've sent you Plokta because:
You have been insulted in this fanzine
We're planning to insult you in a future issue
You have been totally ignored in this fanzine
You sent us a LoC! Wow! Neat!
You sent us your fanzine
Send us your fanzine; George is out of cat litter
You ignored us when we sent you Issue 1; we're not proud
We're going to ask you to do something embarassing
Under hypnosis, we remembered that you owe us money from a previous life
Your name is Claire Goodall, Bridget Hardcastle or Pam Wells & we're still waiting for that article you promised us
You named your child Griselda Esmerelda
We're desperate
Although you've denied being scandalous, we don't believe you, and if you don't tell us we'll invent some
Sue's trying to collect the set...
Andy Hooper thinks you're a hoax
We think Andy Hooper's a hoax
Sue thinks you would look good in fishnets and stilettos
You live in Scunthorpe, Cockermouth or Penistone and are having trouble getting laid wired
You are the ubercrappenzimmermeister for Farber Day
We could tell you, but then we'd have to kill you

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