How can Clinton Get Out of This One?

Our investigators discover the only possible way forward for the President

Clinton appears to be in a pickle of Saturday morning cinema proportions. What can possibly save his hide now? There clearly needs to be some truly mega-media-spectacular story resonating with American psyche to knock the Lewinsky stuff off the front pages. Cruise missile attacks on alleged terrorists weren't enough, and starting a war would be far too obvious.

No; there's only one thing for it.

PNN predicts the imminent discovery of evidence of imminent alien invasion. Or if not an actual invasion, then certainly communication, diplomatic contact, or the discovery of an alien grave.

If we were White House spin doctors, we would be reading the files on the Roswell incident right now. Who knows what we might discover? Perhaps oral sex is merely the aliens' form of friendly social intercourse, and when Clinton groped all those eager teenagers he was acting as First Ambassador for Earth. Monica Lewinsky is in real life an alien from the planet Zog; her big hair is explained by the fact that she was modelled on women in Seventies sitcoms beamed through space.

Remember - you read it on PNN first.

-- Alison Scott & Ruth Calder

11 Sep 1998