Issue 21
Volume 5 Number 5
November 2000

In This Issue

 •  Contents
 •  Cover Illustration
 •  Editorial
 •  <plokta.con>
 •  We Can Reproduce it for You Wholesale
 •  Gardner Dozois' Patented Pickup Line
 •  Lokta Plokta
 •  Conspicuous Consumption
 •  Revenge of the Cultural Stereotype

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WELL, we seem to have acquired another cabal member. It's all much harder now. Alison has written about the gruesome details elsewhere in the issue, but suffice it to say that she's using the new baby as a pathetic excuse for sitting in one place all the time and getting other people to fetch and carry for her. If only the place wasn't in front of the computer and several yards from the baby this approach might have had some merit.

In other news, Sue has got a proper job, and is now answering the phone for Shepherds Construction on weekday afternoons. We're expecting the entire construction industry of Manchester to grind to a halt any day now, as their suppliers attempt to fill orders for 15 gross of chocolate-dipped elves.

Mike, meanwhile, has been through the entire business cycle of initial funding, euphoria, wild extravagance, catastrophic growth, an aborted IPO, retrenchment, decline, despair and collapse in the past eight months, and is now gainfully unemployed. Having received more net income from redundancy payments than from working this year, he's seriously considering taking up being fired as a career.

Marianne has learned mouse-control skills overnight, and is now nearly as big a video-game junkie as her mother. This means that producing Plokta is now accompanied by the gentle background sounds of Dr Seuss exploding aliens.

For this issue, Dr Plokta has been having fun with demographics, and you should all find a mailing label on envelope with information on the demographics of your local area. Unless you happen to live in a country that's too primitive to have free demographic breakdowns available on the web, such as Australia, the Netherlands or Swindon. An example of the demographic data is reproduced below.

Overview of JE3 1JF
Calvados-Soused Millionaire Tax Exiles

Famously descended from the Valois Kings, the Eurotrash residents of these bailiwicks fritter away their inheritances jetsetting around the fashionable spots of the Western World (Croydon, Liverpool, Glasgow and Hinckley). They have 47% more than the average pierced body parts. Their favourite tipple is Calvados and they can usually be found in the bar.

Fig.1: Dr. Plokta's demographic data

Finally, a reader writes: "I couldn't help but notice the resemblance between shiny new Jonathan Cain and his world-weary big sister Marianne. Could they by any chance be related?"

Gratuitous baby photo #1
Gratuitous baby photo #1

gratuitous baby photo #2
Gratuitous baby photo #2

Marianne has discovered mouse control
Marianne has discovered mouse-control

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Leather Goddesses of Macadamia

Eira Latham cuddles up to the camera

Pictured above is Eira Latham, on the occasion of receiving her PhD in the School of Hard Knockers.


Taking their cue from the Plokta cabal's first, seminal, fanzine Wrath of Ghu, the Svenska Dagbladet website has set up a Spot the Moose competition. They've placed a webcam in a random bit of elk-infested Swedish forest. The first person to click on the webcam and spot the moose-preferably in a compromising position-wins the chance to go moose-spotting for real. Runners-up win moose steaks, which are perhaps less suitable for animal lovers.You used to be able to find the website at:<> but now all you get is an error message in Swedish.

Moose in sunglasses
But what if the moose doesn't want to be spotted?

Harry Potter and the Lord of the Flies

"You can't use my glasses to light a fire because I'm short-sighted and they won't work."